She said her name was "party"
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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