hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
