Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The air was thick with penises
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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