so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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