I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
