Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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