yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
