Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
