I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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