So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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