I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
