guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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