You can't special order awesome
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
