He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
