You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
