Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
