you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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