I think I died a long time ago.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
