Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
