Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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