Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
