Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
