he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
