so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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