I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
