So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
this hospital has no fireball
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i out mim tonsoeep
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