I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
