I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
