The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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