Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
