We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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