ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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