My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
