I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
