RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I will be naked everywhere
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
