I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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