im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
