There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize