32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
