Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
