I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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