Fuck appropriateness.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
