Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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