Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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