naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
