The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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