DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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