you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
