So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
