Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My vagina is officially offended.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
