I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
 go to hell.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
you never un-have a 4some
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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