I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
