The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
