Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
