Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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