Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
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I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
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On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I am mentally ready for anal.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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