I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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