A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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