the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
