This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
