Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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