A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
