she looked like the bat from fern gully.
farters have to be the big spoon...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
