my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
