she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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