his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
