she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
