Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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