You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
