Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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