i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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