You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
