I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
