So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
